Somewhere along our road of recovery we have all entertained the same thought. We say to ourselves, “after X years of sobriety, maybe I could drink, or drug or use again”. This rationalization is all the more attractive to people who had high bottoms. They say, “I didn’t drink every day and I never missed a day of work”. Or, “I only binged or used to excess occasionally”. On the surface, this sounds like it makes a lot of sense. Aren’t we older and wiser now? We weren’t really that bad were we? The reality is that high bottoms have trap doors. Time and time again, people have gone out to test these waters, only to find that their descent into their addiction of choice was rapid and all encompassing. The main reason this happens is that our “isms” pre-dated our using. Although we had worked on ourselves in program, all those character defects came roaring back once we picked up that drink or that drug. In addition, perhaps we had an unrealistic view as to just how high our bottom actually was. Alcoholics and addicts are notorious for minimizing how much they used. Regardless, high or low bottom, the trap door is always waiting to open.
Personal Reflection: Is there a part of me that believes I can use safely?